Sad Cases
by Innocent Fox
Summary: After the boat party, the lads still have another week on holiday, so naturally they come to learn more about the girls that charmed them. Run-ins with the law, angry restaurant owners and Mr Gilbert will only push them further. Will/Alison, Simon/Lucy, Jay/Jane, Neil/Lisa.
1. Sambuca

**Sad Cases**

**Sambuca**

"How you feeling then Si?" Will asked his recently hospitalised friend. The mid-afternoon sun boiling them as soon as they stepped out on to the Crete back roads.

"Honestly? I've never felt better," Simon said confidently, putting his arm around Lucy's shoulders, giving her a genuine smile.

"What about that time Carli gave you a blowy behind the bike sheds?" Jay chimed in on cue, Jane hitting his chest with a gentle slap.

"Leave it out Jay...besides it was only a handjob," Simon replied, grinning, Lucy grimaced then put her bottom lip out and pretended to be upset.

"Christ, even Briefcase has had more action than that," the scruffy haired youth said, nodding towards Will, laughing.

Alison laughed too, turning Will towards her, as a couple of mopeds whirred past them. "Briefcase?" the blonde asked.

"Well...at school, I may have been called 'briefcase wanker' for carrying said briefcase around in place of a rucksack." The bespectacled one stared at the dusty pavement in anticipation of ridicule.

"Funny that...I now know what to get you for a souvenir, Specs," Alison teased, winking at her new boyfriend in his black rimmed glasses, before pinching his upper arm.

Neil and Lisa trundled slowly behind the trio of couples ahead, their lips firmly locked on to each others mouths. Jay glanced back and did a double take, pointing and chuckling with Jane. They were all walking back to the boy's terrible accommodation, the fresh sea air doing their lungs some good; other British tourists, students, the middle aged and Grecian workers strolled through the warmth. Will simply drifted into his head.

_It had been a strange week for all of us here, Simon realising Carli was an opportunistic user, with little regard for his feelings towards her, or his cock. Lucy, for whatever reason, decided she wanted to keep fancying him and they ended up reconciling rather unromantically on the beach, to which Jay referred to as 'gayer than Neil's dad fucking 'Paedo' Kennedy.' Speaking of Jay, he finally realised that his lies meant nothing if he couldn't back them up and, more importantly, that he really liked Jane, despite her size and the teasing he had received from a few anonymous arseholes, culminating in him revealing in uncompromising detail how Jane had given him a blowjob in the boat toilets. Lisa managed to get Neil away from the sagging breasts and dried up vaginas of older women and towards her own assets, the two of them dry-humping until Neil chafed his boner on his jeans. As for me, I believe I had finally got on to a winner, Alison, literally the fittest girl I had ever met was going out with me. ME. I thought I was dreaming but all the sorrowful drinking and painful hangovers, punches and vomiting I endured were finally paying off. I was going to lose my virginity tonight. Or at least I hoped I would._

The same downtrodden hotel awaited the eight of them, their expressions turning from cheer to jeer in the blink of an eye. Simon stopped to find their key for the room, pulling out a rusted chunk of metal whilst the others walked through the double doors and into the reception.

"Bollocks..." he cursed to himself.

Lucy gave his shoulder a firm grip, "Something the matter?" she mused.

"It's just, well, I have the key and that's good, but what Euros I did have left are truly fucked."

"A bit of sea water won't matter Simon."

"They notes are torn, absolutely soaked and shredded. I only had about thirty, but I still need it."

Lucy looked into his eyes, "I'm sure Jay won't mind, and I have some for us too."

Now gel-less, the floppy haired Simon felt a twinge of guilt, "I can't do that. I want to pay for your drinks. As for Jay, it doesn't feel right spending his dead granddad's money."

"Ask your parents then, I'm sure they'll understand."

"Yeah, I bet they'd love that, the pair of old twats. 'Ooh Simon needs some money because he's not responsible'," he mocked, heightening his tone of voice, "Arseholes."

Lucy was surprised at his hostility and responded by silently dragging him into the hotel.

"Neil, you're gonna have to kip with the gay lords tonight," Jay ordered his taller friend.

"What, why?" Neil replied, with a questionable yet still vacant expression.

"Because I, Mr Ladykiller, am gonna shag Jane."

"Really? That's bang out of order Jay, you know what we agreed...First to put the hat on the door!"

With that sentence uttered, the pair aggressively rushed to the main room, pushing past an amused Will and Alison only to see their two girlfriends open the front door, having finished their trip to the vending machine. Jay halted in his tracks as Neil remained oblivious, grabbing the headgear and slipping it on to the door handle.

"What's going on?" Jane asked, smiling at the seeming excitement happening around her.

"Nothin' love. Was just showing Neil a thing or two," Jay lied.

"What you on about?" Neil interrupted, "I beat you fair and square. I get the bedroom tonight." An awkward grin appeared on Jay's round face, before the two pair's headed on to the balcony.

Will drank heartily from the water bottle, small trails of liquid pouring down the sides of his mouth.

"You thirsty or something?" Alison joked.

The dark haired teenager realised what he was doing, "I get dehydrated if I don't drink properly for, oh, say, eighteen hours."

"How much alcohol did you consume William?"

"More than I should have. Other than the Jägerbombs and vodbulls, the closest I came to drinking water was a second hand bottle of orange Bacardi Breezer." Alison laughed at his befuddlement, her split with Nikos felt belittling the previous day but finally giving in to Will's weird ways felt cleansing, as if she had truly bettered herself. Her bitterness had not completely died however.

"Your twatish nature really is overpowered by your humour, isn't it?"

Will glanced at the floor briefly before letting out a prolonged, "Yes."

They both grinned before sharing a kiss.

_Once Simon had finished spiking up the last of his individual hair strands, we hit the town like men, not boys, men. The girls' met us in Marco's, a few scattered groups sat in the booths, contemplating a slow death whilst we all landed on the dance floor, shots in our hands and opposite sexes tongues in our mouths. I still couldn't dance for shit, but at least Alison liked it._

Jay walked up to the bar and waved the bartender down, "One...two fish bowls please," he said correcting himself, simpering as Jane joined him.

"Wow, didn't expect that you would actually buy me one," she said, bemused.

"Eh? Don't know what you're on about. They're both for me," he replied.

She punched him in the arm and grabbed a straw.

"Neil..." Lisa slowly started, "You're not gonna get off with some old bird are you?"

"Nah."

"It's just that...I don't just want to be an object."

"Yeah, I know."

Lisa beamed at the lanky lad and hugged him tightly, his vacant expression and sudden need to kiss her switched on like a light. Will stared over at his dimwitted, but caring friend from the bar before turning to Alison as she got four sambuca shots in.

"I don't know if I should..." Will queasily muttered.

"C'mon big man," the blonde pursued, "You have me here, at a bar, about to get absolutely trollied and you're going to back out?"

Will looked over the top of his glasses and grabbed the shot, Alison passed Simon and Lucy the two spare drinks. They raised their shots high, counted down from three and began chugging them down, one after the other.

_The rest of the night was spent in Marco's, alcohol flowing in plentiful quantities. It's safe to say we all got hammered quickly and heavily. Kisses were shared, vomit was spewed and inappropriate groping led the way. Neil fingered Lisa in the toilets as a drunken Simon tried not to get too excited in the stall as Lucy felt his bulge through his jeans. His confession, not mine. Jay and Jane lay in the one of the booths nearly fast asleep as the staff cleared up around them. It was only three in the morning and the music was still loud on the strip outside, people that came into 'our' bar usually had a drink, declared it was shit and left, but we knew better. Another week of nights like these were what we dreamed of at our boring sixth form with its boring girls. Chloe was but a myth to Jay. Charlotte was at away uni, fucking five guys a week to my utter lack of interest. Carli had left this morning and Simon had realised that he didn't need her as he had someone, who wasn't a bitch, that liked him. Oh yes, and Neil had also forgotten all about his girlfriend, Nicole, from back home._

Will and Alison had left the others in Marco's and they sneaked off down to the beach, pieces of clothing coming off as they trod on the sand. Alison flopped down in her underwear and lay her back to the cool grain beneath her, playfully pulling at Will's boxer shorts.

"Gerrum off!" she exclaimed to an embarrassed but intoxicated Will.

"No...not here...the-the hotel..."

She kissed him and pulled him down with her. One hand held on to the back of his head, the other was partially covered in sand, his own two hands attempting to unclasp her bra. They were close to the calm waves, their toes sometimes feeling the chilly water tickle them as the breeze rustled their hair out of place. Despite how drunk he was, he enjoyed it as if he was sober and despite how drunk she was, it felt perfect. As he finally managed to take her bra off, his right hand immediately grabbed for her left breast, Will thinking how perky they were as she reached into his boxers to get what she was after before. After a few minutes passed, his phone rang once to his ignorance, then twice, then again. Frustrated, Will picked up his trousers and rummaged for his mobile.

_**Call: Simon**_

Answering it, he harshly shouted down the receiver, "What? What is it Simon?"

Silence.

"Simon? Si, mate, are you there?"

"Hmm...?" Came the reply, "Oh hi Will. You okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine," he assured sternly, "Why did you ring?"

"W-wanted to know where you got to m-mate."

"Fine. We're coming back." Will hung up and rushed to a topless Alison, "We have to go back."

"What...? Why?"

"Because my friend is an idiot."

After a quick change back into their clothes, Will and Alison found Simon outside Marco's, talking to the bouncers outside and they didn't look impressed.

"I'm tell – hic – ling you guys," each word became elongated, "I will have sex toniiiiight."

One of the towering men glanced over at a staring Will and aggressively shouted to him, "Is this yours?" whilst Simon was held by the collar of his baby blue v-neck.

"Yes. Come along Simon, let's go home," the bespectacled young man directed aloofly.

"B-but Lucy..." Simon began.

"She's just sent me a jumbled text, she's back at your hotel with the other four," Alison interjected.

"Great, they left without him for me to pick up the pieces. Brilliant."

_With Simon in tow, Alison and myself had been promptly brought back to near sobriety. My spiky haired 'mate' had stopped me getting sex off the fittest girl ever, who, let's not forget, is actually willing to sleep with me out of genuine desire and not for a bet. The bright lights of the strip only made me more angry when not putting me into a seizure and the trip back to our shitty hotel and our shitty beds, on the shitty fucking floor only worsened the night, not to mention the fact my cock had gone as limp as it had ever been. Tomorrow better produce something more noteworthy._

* * *

><p><em><strong>A.N. <strong>_**Hello there! Not that much Inbetweeners stuff is there? This idea of writing about the rest of their trip came to me after seeing the film, but I never got around to actually typing it until now. Thanks to those few hardcore fans that read this, I'm always grateful! Cheers.**


	2. Carling

**Carling**

Will opened his eyes and blinked twice, trying to assess the situation. Head pounding, the dark haired teenager sat up, his skin feeling the ice cold floor he had laid on. Looking to his left, Alison slept quietly, her hair frizzling up with each minute she slept. He was naked but nothing had occurred, a thin and scratchy blanket covering them up, which Alison soon hogged. Putting his glasses on, Will allowed her to take the cover as he stumbled around the room, the pale yellow sunlight illuminating through the curtains allowing him to find some boxer shorts. He coughed heartily, phlegm pushing its way out and landing in the sink before he grabbed his seventeenth birthday present, the Calvin Klein vest his mother had got him. Slight grunting noises came from Neil and Jay's shared bedroom, all Will could hope was that they hadn't erupted into an orgy as he wondered where Simon and Lucy had slept. Shrugging it off, he stumbled into the bathroom, suddenly knocking himself awake as he saw Simon sleeping in the bath, completely nude apart from a t-shirt, and, to his horror, Lucy sleeping on the bidet, next to the huge log Neil had produced two days ago.

"Oh shit..." he whispered to nobody, grabbing Lucy and trying to manoeuvre her away from the bowel movement. He felt as if he was succeeding until Simon startled him.

"What the fuck are you doing?" the spiky haired lad asked, prompting the frightened Will into dropping Lucy on to the linoleum flooring.

"The shit...!" Will replied in a hushed tone.

"Fuck!"

Lucy woke up and mumbled about feeling sick, "Simon...hold my hair back..."

In her half awake state, Lucy didn't notice Neil's deposit as she vomited into the bidet unaided by Simon. The boys expressed silent, urgent glances as Lucy's dyed hair was suddenly flecked with sickly chunks. As she lifted her heavy head, she saw what the others were so nervous about, Lucy turned suddenly, missed the toilet, and threw up in the bath – all over Simon.

_Due to Lucy's horrific discovery, Simon felt the need to comfort her as she showered, himself vomiting into the toilet in a sick covered t-shirt. I sat outside in the blistering heat, watching the owner of our 'accommodation' clean up after the previous nights endeavours; he waved at me with a discarded condom before pointing at the pool and laughing. I wanted to die._

Alison joined her boyfriend, to his utter surprise, looking sprightly and high spirited despite her dishevelment. She passed Will half a glass of last nights Carling, which, due to his ignorance, he swigged down his throat, before retching over the balcony.

"Why!?"

"It was funny, Specs," Alison beamed, Will switching from serious to laughing himself.

"That was something Jay would do!"

Alison put an outstretched hand towards her lips in faux surprise, "Oops! I should go and see what he's doing later. We're obviously meant to be together," she whimsically fluttered her eyelashes then said, "What are you wearing?!"

Will frowned again.

Simon stood in the bathroom, his head pounding and his hair gel clumpy after his rough nights sleep. "Lucy, can I get in the shower yet?" he pleaded.

"Not yet, I can still smell sick."

"It's my top!" Simon stripped off to his bare essentials and kicked his clothes into the corner as Lucy held her hand out of the curtain for a towel. He passed her the one towel they kept in the bathroom and she wrapped it around her body, framing her curves as she stepped out. Simon stared at her, a lump in his throat formed as he felt the familiar fix of embarrassment and arousal.

"Are you...all right?"

"Er...yeah."

"Oh..." she giggled, noticing something.

"What?" a paranoid Simon asked.

"You're excited to see me aren't you?"

Simon realised his problem, the bulge in his starry patterned shorts very prominent.

"Shit! Sorry...bollocks!"

"No," Lucy replied, grinning at him, "Cock."

They both laughed, Simon getting into the shower as Lucy got changed.

_Once Jay and Neil finally managed to prise their constant erections from their girlfriends' waists, they got showered and changed to meet Simon, Lucy, Alison and myself in the reception, which to our surprise, was occupied by a goat chewing on a Coke can._

"Ah! I see you have met José. He is tired though. No sleep. Too much of the...uh...booming and banging; you know?"

The four of them stood and laughed awkwardly at the Greek's turn of phrase, he coaxed José from the fairly clean reception, all eyes on the older man as he eventually had to drag the goat to the doors.

"Did I just see that, or am I dreaming?" Will asked, the three of them grinning. "Ah, here they come now," he looked directly at Jay, "How long does it take you to get ready?"

"I don't know, why don't you ask your mum how long it takes her to give a suck-job...On second thought, I'll get back to you on that one."

Will shook his head, the eight of them headed out into the market town half a mile away.

"You got any money now, Si?" Neil quizzed.

"Yeah, my dad said he wired some across after I text him, should have more than enough for the week."

"Wired?" Jay interjected, "Sorry, are we living in the thirties or somethin'?" he placed a cupped hand over his mouth, as if he was on an old telephone, "Ooh, telegram coming through for a Mr Simon Spastic. I repeat, telegram for Simon Spastic."

He laughed with Neil until Will replied, "Telegrams were not sent over the phone."

"Oooooh, la-de-fucking-da, don't shit yourself," he cupped his hand again, "Pair o' trousers to be sent to a Mr William McTwatbag."

"Very clever," Will said sarcastically.

"Oh, pipe down brown nose...or should that be brown trousers?" Jay laughed again with Neil, Simon trying not to join in as the girls looked on in confusion.

"Yep. Brilliant. Okay Alison let's walk ahead."

_After we visited the market and avoided dodgy deals, we headed back to the 'hotel' and settled down. The girls had gone back to their hotel as we got ready for yet another night ahead. Alison and I agreed that Simon and Lucy should come to a restaurant with us around seven whilst Jay, Jane, Neil and Lisa did their own thing. The only thing that I knew was that I needed a break from Jay's comments._

"So Neil, what are we gonna do with these two lovely ladies?" Jay asked as they stood with the two ladies in question.

"Dunno. Pub?"

Lisa sighed, Jay shrugged, but Jane agreed, "Pub does sound good. Nice to leave the hustle and bustle of the clubs."

"You mean our club? The one that nobody goes in?" Jay quipped.

"Ha ha, very funny Mr Sarky. Look, it might be fun to sit around and have a proper pint instead of a fish bowl."

"Pub it is then."

Will and Simon waited outside the restaurant, the bespectacled youth checked his watch, hoping they would get there for quarter past seven at the latest.

"Where the fuck are they?" Will cried out.

"Calm down, they'll be here. Lucy had to go and change."

"She didn't have to...she just wants to look amazing for some reason."

"For me. She wants to look amazing for me."

"Sure about that?" Will teased.

"Well, she's not exactly going to be here for anyone is she?"

Will gave a familiar stare, "Not that we know of."

Simon scrunched his face up, "She's not Alison though, she's not hiding a Greek boyfriend from me."

"Actually, she told me about him straight away thank you."

"To get rid of you."

"Funny. Besides, it doesn't matter what Lucy wears, you'll no doubt be digging your cock into her back when we go out afterwards."

"Ooh, sorry that she's so fit!"

Will recoiled slightly, "She is fit...but Alison is beautiful."

Suddenly, that same girl surprised the dark haired teenager, "Aww Specs...you're too sweet."

He immediately felt embarrassment, but tried not to show it, "Oh...Alison, you know me...always the charmer."

"Actually, we don't know you that well at all, we're here to meet Jay."

Lucy laughed and continued, "Yeah, where is the big stud? Surprised Jane hasn't eaten him alive yet."

Will discreetly leaned to Simon, "Poor choice of words."

"She loves sex, always goes on about it. She lost her virginity when she was fourteen," Lucy stated, staring skywards.

The two young men turned to each other and shook their heads.

"Jay, get next round in will ya?" Neil called as he exited the bathroom and back into the pub. The pub itself was English owned, a replica of something they could only just get served in back home; its rustic feel gave them a sense that it wasn't too appealing to anybody but Brits abroad.

"Yeah, yeah. Carling?"

"Carling and a pack of Walkers salt and vinegar please."

"For fucks sake...and for you lovely ladies?"

"I'll have the same please Jay," said Jane. "Lise?"

"Archers and lemonade please," the nearly legless girl spluttered.

Neil blankly stared at the two girls, his thought process akin to an egg breaking, then taking a little while to fry, "I fancy a dance."

"In here?" Jane replied, "There's no music."

"I know that, I think we should go to that club thing."

"But Neil," Lisa started, "We'll have these drinks...then we'll...we'll go."

"Steady on love," Jay said humorously as he returned with two of the drinks.

"Jay, how come you didn't bring 'em all over?" Neil asked.

The shaggy haired lad widened his eyes, "Because Neil, I thought you would get your thick arse up and help me carry them over."

"Why? Can you not carry them all?"

Jay suspiciously glared over at the two ladies in front of him and then he twisted to look behind him, "Well yeah, of course I could. It's just...if I do that here, in this pub, the gash with come and bother us, we can't have some slags come over and upset our girls, can we?"

Neil absent mindedly scanned the pub, "We're the youngest here by a lot I reckon."

"Wouldn't stop you going for it though would it?" Jay cheekily suggested.

"Oi, behave!"

_Simon and I had sat with our girlfriends in this, admittedly, rather posh restaurant in an otherwise uninspired location. We had ordered but my mind kept drifting to the shitty club we had come to call our own. I knew it was sleazy but I was desperate to see Alison naked again, whilst I knew Simon wanted Lucy to wrap her legs around his head until the day he died. I could sense we both wanted to get drunk, have cringe inducing first times and not have to remember about it in the morning. I hadn't even wanked whilst we had been here; and for a teenage boy, that was phenomenal effort on my part._

"Here we go sirs and madams. I hope you have good meal." Will smiled to this kind waiter, a man who had probably had to deal with his fair share of obnoxious English tourists in his time.

"Ef̱charistó̱ kalé mou ánthro̱pe!" Will rebutted, the waiter grinning back at him. As he walked away, Alison nudged him, "Get you, Greek boy. Speaking the lingo first, running away with an exotic Mediterranean woman next."

He laughed nervously, "Oh yes! She'll say hello and I shall woo her," they laughed together until Will leaned to her, suddenly serious and said, "Please take that in jest, I can't lose you."

His nervousness only made her laugh more, she wasn't sure if he was joking further or if he was making a genuine plea. He wasn't joking.

"What did you even say to him?" Lucy questioned, tucking into her side salad.

"I believe I said, 'Thank you my good man.' Kind of my catchphrase," Will uttered with aloofness.

"No it's not," Simon interrupted. "You don't have a catchphrase, you say 'brilliant' a lot and talk posh, they are your only memorable qualities."

"Thanks Simon, always nice to have a friend keep me full of self esteem."

"No problem mate," Simon replied smiling, raising his pint glass. Lucy punched him playfully, before tucking in to her feta cheese salad. They ate their respective meals and the boys had a few more pints, whilst the girls drank two bottles of wine between them.

"Club?" Alison asked.

Neil danced the night away, seemingly unable to stop as Lisa stood closely to his front, he didn't seem to notice her until she backed up further. Jay and Jane kissed sloppily in a corner booth, Jane slipping her hand down Jay's jeans. All four of them were drunk once again, as the soon-to-be drunk Will, Alison, Simon and Lucy wandered in through the entrance, unnoticed by their friends.

"Shots on you posh boy!" Alison declared over the booming dance music.

"Okay!" Will almost jogged to the bar, desperate to keep Alison's attention. Lucy dragged Simon to the dance floor, holding his hands as he shuffled awkwardly next to her. She kissed him with an innocent glint in her turquoise eyes, whispering something in his ear. Will returned to Alison with four shots, having asked for a random combination. "If any of these are liquorice, you can have it instead."

The blonde tilted her head to the side, "Ever the charmer, aren't you?" Yet before Will could say anything, he noticed somebody striding in Neil's direction. As did Simon. Even Jay managed to glance upward as he was given a handjob. Then everybody had their attention taken from other things as the music stopped briefly and a middle aged woman grabbed Neil's backside.

"Oi," he automatically said, blind to the woman who did it.

"Ay up gorgeous, kitty wants another go on your gear stick," her heavily mascaraed eyes wandered up and down his lanky frame, "Told ya's I wouldn't forget you."

_Oh shit._

* * *

><p><em><strong>A.N. <strong>_**Wow, has it really been nine months?! I am terribly sorry to everybody who followed and reviewed this expecting a much faster update, which should have been delivered. Anyway, I have nothing standing in my way now, so I shall get the third chapter out within a week. Thanks to everyone! I will also make a book cover too.**

**FemaleInbetweener – I cannot tell you how much that means coming from such a fantastic Inbetweeners fic writer like yourself, if not THE Inbetweeners fic writer. Much more to come!**

**GirlWednesday – Thank you so much, it honestly shocks me at how little there is, it seems perfect for writers. I don't know if you'll see this, but sorry I didn't update faster. Many thanks again.**

**whyamitheinvisiblecunt – Thank you, I didn't see another story like it, so I thought, 'Why not?' and here we are! P.S. Nice username, Jay would approve!**

**Impulse53669 – Cheers!**


	3. Jäger

**Jäger **

"C'mon love, get those magic fingers out again, I need to be fed," the mature woman pleaded, Neil simply trying to stay away from her.

"No! Clear off!" his drink started spilling slightly as she grabbed the crotch of his jeans. Lisa was quick to get involved, grabbing the much older woman's wrist as she tried to get into Neil's pants. Kitty, as she was known to the boys, squared up to her younger counterpart, barely coming up to Lisa's neck before grabbing her hair. Her three friends stopped dancing and drinking, rushing to help the incapacitated Lisa.

"Alison!" Will called after the blonde.

"We'll be right back!" she replied, storming over to the situation.

_Shit, shit, shit. This was not going to go well._

Alison, Jane and Lucy manhandled the cougar, pulling at her highlighted hair, her earrings and her arms. "Leave her alone you cow!" Jane yelled at her, grabbing her waist to try and toss her away. Kitty fell to the floor once Jane dropped her.

"You're one to talk aren't you?" Kitty rebutted. Jane's eyes widened, she bared her teeth, and ran at the aggressor. Toppling down on her, they scuffled on the sticky dance floor, prompting the other girls to fend her off as well.

"Simon!" Will shouted, "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know mate...let them finish...?" the spiky haired lad suggested.

"Oh yeah. Great advice that mate, let them scratch Alison's flawless face. Brilliant."

Simon raised his brow and his hands, "How am I supposed to know?! I've never been in a fight, let alone stopped one!"

"Except for that time that twelve year old beat you up, and when I did," Jay interrupted, his timing perfect as always.

"First of all, he caught me off guard and he had back up, second, we barely had a fight."

"I still won though," Jay said triumphantly.

"Are we not forgetting what's currently happening?!" Will reminded, pointing to the three young women grappling the middle aged woman in the centre of the club.

"Oh yeah," said Jay, before laughing.

"I can't watch this...I'm going in!" Will ran at the pile and jumped on Kitty heroically, hoping to impress Alison by protecting her. He flailed as Kitty caught him, digging her false nails into the side of his face, knocking his glasses off the dance floor. The girls starting hitting her, yet she clung on to the dark haired teenager, his blurred vision stopping him from doing anything useful. Simon, Jay and now Neil stood watching Will get thrown like a rag doll all over the club.

"It's a bit tragic now," Jay stated nonplussed.

"Yeah," agreed Simon and Neil in unison, the trio heading over to the fight.

"Come on you lot, break it up," Neil stressed, pulling Lisa from the floor. Jane stood up as Lucy and Alison stopped pinning Kitty to the floor, the two girls following suit.

"Keep your hands off my fella!" Lisa screamed at the older woman.

Kitty put her index and middle finger up to her lips, feeling for a cut, "I had him first love, and I want him again." She grinned.

"Piss off you wrinkly old bag," Jay added.

"Is that your missus?" Kitty asked, nodding at Jane, "She must like tiny cocks." Jane went for her again, her boyfriend held her back as the other lads tried to stifle a laugh. Kitty turned her attention to Neil again, "Unlike this one, my word..." she scanned the tall young man, "Shame I never got a go on him." Lisa was furious. "But never mind..." she began again, "When Karen finishes having a shit, I'll have him."

"That sounds a bit rapey," Simon commented, grimacing.

"Ah, speaking of which...here she is," Kitty announced, her right arm jiggling when she pointed. Karen was a large woman, she was easily about eighteen stone, but was strong rather than obese. "Get these little girls away from my man."

"Er, Kitty, is it?" Will asked politely, "Have you even taken Neil's opinion into account?"

The dirty blonde scowled at him, "He doesn't know what he wants. When it comes down to it, who would you rather have? A skinny little tart, who couldn't handle a man if she tried. Or a real woman, with curves?"

Will performed his usual condescending eye roll, left to right, "I'd rather have a girl my own age."

"Then fuck off four eyes."

As Alison heard this, she whipped around to defend her boyfriend before being pushed hard by Karen. She hit the floor hard, the music was almost deafening, which was rare for 'their club', but in its defence, it was a Saturday in Malia. Alison saw stars, the group of people erupted into shouting unheard by any staff the club may have been hiding, yet when Will crouched to her vision, she could feel herself smiling. She felt like he actually cared for her.

"Alison! How are you feeling?" He went from buffoon to emotional in half a sentence.

"Better now that you're here, Specs," she grabbed his shoulder and he helped her to her feet. "Nobody can make fun of your glasses, but me," Alison declared to him, the music suddenly quietened in the moment.

"I'm going to put an end to this," Will exclaimed, sitting his girlfriend in a tidy booth and sneaking to the bar. Shouting and swearing between the two parties turned the air blue and turned people away from Marco's. Will just wanted to go the hotel, or drink. Finally making his way to the bar, the lone man sat behind it had seldom looked from his newspaper and stack of magazines all night, only noticing people out of the corner of his eye.

"Excuse me!"

The bartender didn't hear him.

"Excuse me, sir!"

And again.

"Oi!"

He looked up.

"What can I get ya?" He wasn't even phased by the arguing.

"Can you get those lunatic old harpies out of here? They're ruining our night!"

"It's just a spat, it'll blow over," he calmly explained.

Will could feel himself getting worked up, "It's been going on for at least ten minutes now!"

"Waste of time unless someone's been hurt."

"That fat one shoved my girlfriend!"

The bartender glanced over, "Three of 'em are fat."

"The fattest one then!" Will seemed to scream at the worker. This prompted the bartender to pick up his walkie talkie, it looked as if it had never been used.

"Door staff to the dance floor please, we have a scuffle down here," he said exasperatedly.

"Thank you, was that too hard?" Will questioned in his almost mocking tone.

"I'm going to ignore you now unless you're here to buy drinks."

"Yeah...I thought you might say something like that."

The two doormen trudged down the stairs, they glanced at the shouting women and then glanced at each other. Will, Simon, Alison and Jay could only watch as a screaming, flailing Kitty was grabbed by her arms and launched upwards by the bouncer, her heels leaving her feet and swooping across the club. They could hear the bouncer telling her to leave without him having to drag her, but she didn't listen. Karen was taller than the second bouncer, and he looked intimidated but she simply set off walking, the man placing his hand on her back and escorting her upstairs. A furious Kitty was yelling at her, wondering what her best friend was doing, only to hear a reply of, "Leave it love, they're only kids." Will felt a sense of triumph as they watched the two women leave Marco's.

"See Neil, what'd I tell you? Shag a MILF and you'll only get grief," Jay 'reminded' his spindly friend.

Will and Simon both arched an eyebrow at the shaggy haired enigma, "You've never been with an older woman," said Will.

"And she isn't a MILF by any means," Simon continued.

"Yeah, well, you're all just jealous of my vast experience," Jay defended.

"If by experience you mean wanking, then no, there's a reason we don't go round your house, your sheets are crusty."

The girls contorted their faces as Jay simply shook his head.

"You wanna get out of here?" Jane asked, "I'm not too fond of the atmosphere we created."

"Definitely," Alison agreed for everybody.

The eight of them left the club, Will and Alison said their goodbyes to the rest of the group, as did Neil and Lisa. Jane wanted to feel the breeze on the beach, so Jay went with her, whilst Lucy wanted a few more drinks, so Simon inevitably stayed with her. The (most normal) couple wandered down the strip, the Saturday night life teeming with university students and mid-twenties age defiers. It was loud, bright and yet it had a quality about it that made it more than that, it would actually be memorable. Simon had his arm around Lucy, as she squeezed his waist, it felt oddly perfect despite the fact that Simon had been covered in a pink cocktail, and Lucy's make up was smudged from the fight. The noise felt like a low din, it was barely registered by the two as they made their way through the crowds at two in the morning, Lucy smiled widely, she felt happy with the young man, the young man who, only a couple of days ago, was besotted by Carli, his neighbour, his classmate and his first kiss at age eleven. She felt lucky.

Coming to the pier, Lucy held his hand and led him down the sand underneath it. There was a small area underneath where the two could lie down, the waves barely splashing their toes. The two of them kissed under the moonlight, both of them just past the point of tipsy as they took off some clothing.

"Simon..." Lucy mumbled between breaths.

"Yeah...?"

"I want my first time to be right...this is nice, but..." she stopped kissing him, and her big eyes moved away from his face.

"It's okay, me too," he kindly smiled back at her reassuringly, sand slowly creeping into his boxers.

Lucy felt her head collapse on to his chest, the two of them in their bare essentials as she dotted kisses on his chest and neck, "I want to do this though..." she grinned coyly and stroked around his shorts.

_Simon made sure to tell me all the gory details from his walk with his girlfriend, how they'd gone for a stroll by the pier, went to have a lie down, and how, for the next five minutes, Lucy wanked Simon off until he spunked in the sand. Beautiful. Meanwhile, I had walked Alison back, hugged and kissed her, made sure she felt okay after the two beastly culprits hit her, and went on my way back to our shitty hotel, but not before seeing a familiar face._

"Oi! You!"

Will squinted into the darkness to his right, the side of the road was covered by shrubs but he could vaguely decipher a figure crawling out from under them. It was James, the club rep.

"Erm...hello?" Will called back.

He crawled out on to the road with a bottle of Jäger, he was covered in dirt and his clothes were ragged, yet, frustratingly for Will, he was still handsome.

"You-you're that g-gullible twat's mate...aren't you...?"

Will realised how horrendously drunk James was and replied, "Simon might be a bit of a twat sometimes, but he's a much better person than yourself."

"How'd you pull 'er then...?" James asked almost sincerely.

"A gentleman never tells," the bespectacled youth stated.

"Are...are you bent or summink...?" James simply sneered before feeling his body collapse underneath him, his chiselled face connecting with the concrete.

Will continued, "Clean yourself up, you'll attract the wildlife."

_As I walked away from the limp, drunken body in front of me, I realised that we had won. We had finally got a win amongst our peers. Though at school we were ridiculed, cajoled, wedgied, spat on, and sometimes just ignored, out here in Malia, we were kings of our domain. The pupils at sixth form held the cards just above our heads, begging us to jump and beg and plead for just a tiny fraction of their social life, and yet, here we were, having snatched the cards from under their very noses. I'm not bitter, I just wish they sometimes that they felt humiliated and embarrassed for once, just to know how awkward we felt all the time. Oh yes, and the best part was, there was a good chunk of the week left to come. I didn't want to go back home._

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><p><strong><em>A.N. <em>I am really enjoying writing this now, I don't know if it's just the ideas flowing, or the thought of chapters to come, either way, we'll soon know more about the girls and maybe some more about the lads as well. Next chapter will be longer, for sure. Thanks for the reviews/faves/follows so far! Also, I might bump up the rating for some of the more, 'questionable scenes' in later chapters, but we'll see.**

**FemaleInbetweener – Thank you! I thought it would be hard to write them in character, so this gives me a lot of encouragement. Next chapter up soon!**

**JDeppIsMyLovely – Cheers for the review, it means a lot to know that I'm getting the characterisation correct, it just wouldn't be the same for me if I was told they were even a little OOC. Thanks again!**


	4. Smirnoff

**Smirnoff**

Will woke up on his sofa bed, Simon was sleeping soundly. Putting his glasses on, Will stepped over his best friend, and paddled to the 'kitchen' to get some breakfast. Sifting through the cupboards, there was no cereal, no bread, just large packets of crisps he presumed Neil had bought. He shrugged to himself and took a bag of salt and vinegar before stepping out on to the balcony. Whilst, admittedly, he enjoyed the beautiful sunshine and the constant drinking, he was growing tired of filling his body full of alcohol. The sound of the hotel owner down by the pool drew his attention, fishing out condoms and what he swore was goat fur.

_Last night was not only an eye opener, it was also a turning point for us. We had basically become men by protecting our girlfriends from slutty cougars bafflingly desperate for Neil's cock, and believe me, I've seen it more than I'd like to admit. Seeing James, Simon's 'enemy' if you can call him that, made me realise we could beat the bullies and get a win. Simon did ask me some questions when he eventually arrived back, such as whether Carli was with him, which led to him wondering if Carli had slept with him. I think I ruined his night when I replied with 'Obviously.' Of course he was still hung up on her, most of us would, and although I never will reveal it in my life, I would have jumped at the chance of being with her. You'd have to be blind not to._

"Morning..." a weary, matted haired Simon greeted.

"Good morning! Crisp?"

"Nah mate," Simon itched his crotch, "I had a kebab when I walked back, I know I'll be sick as soon as I touch anything."

"Heavier night than you realised?"

Simon nodded, "Yeah, I thought we'd only had a few."

"No, I had a few, you guys had a lot."

"Bumder," Simon grinned as he said it.

Will rolled his eyes and left the balcony to get a shower and changed. Simon knocked on Neil and Jay's door. No response.

"C'mon you two, we're off to meet the girls." He knocked again. No answer. "Fuck it then," he said, getting showered and dressed himself as an impatient Will waited. Fearing the water, he drank a can of Carlsberg and held his breath.

The two of them wandered to the girls hotel and saw Lucy and Alison waiting, large sunglasses covering their faces, clearly hungover.

"Morning ladies," Will began, "Care for a stroll down the beach?"

"Hello boys, I think that is the perfect antidote to last nights...indiscretions," Alison linked arms with her man and watched as Lucy grabbed Simon and kissed him gently. "All right you two, save it for the pier!"

Lucy stopped kissing him to smile sweetly, her hair blew gently in the wind over her icy eyes and she just stared at Alison. Simon grinned foolishly, the bulge in his trousers growing as usual.

"Okay..." Alison stated in confusion, "You two are more suited to each other than I thought."

"How so?" Lucy asked.

"You're both the most normal of our little group, yet you're somehow the most weird."

"I don't follow," Simon flatly said.

Alison sighed, "It doesn't matter, let's just go and sunbathe."

They walked arm in arm and hand in hand, the two young men baring their teeth to each other at the thought of the girls sunbathing. Anybody else would have thought they had won the lottery.

Neil dry humped Lisa in her bed, they kissed sloppily, almost in a frenzy as they held back their urges. In their underwear, they began to place their hands further down each other. Neil stripped his white Calvin Klein boxers off, finally feeling free. Lisa stroked him, as he felt over her lacy panties. Despite his lack of academic prowess, he had seen his fair share of 'biology' videos on the internet, and knew she wanted him.

"Neil..." she started, her gaze directed downward.

"Eh? What's up?" he asked without losing his concentration.

"You sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah, course," his eyes were fixated on the bed board.

"What about your ex? Don't you feel bad so soon after her?"

He shook his head, "Nah. Besides, I only fingered her, she wanted to wait."

Lisa was puzzled, but she knew she did want him, "How do you know I don't want to wait?"

Neil shook his head again, "I don't. I just thought we could have some fun."

She smiled, oddly satisfied by his answer and kissed him harder, releasing her hands from the back of his head to take her underwear off. Neil became a kid in a sweet shop, he immediately went for her breasts and sucked on her hard nipples, Lisa's head fell backward as he started to stroke around her wetness. Her hand went south again, and she grabbed his length, jerking it slowly at first, before speeding up as he slipped his fingers into her, the pleasure building.

"Slow down, I'll spunk too quick."

She suddenly felt her pleasure wash away as he brought her away from her little universe. Neil carried on and the pleasure built once more, she ran her hand up and down his erection, slight moans emanated from her nude coloured lips. Neil came away from her breasts and kissed her roughly, she liked it, and pulled on him faster once more.

"I want you..." she breathlessly cooed, "Have you...got a johnny?"

Neil grabbed at the bedside cabinet where his wallet lay, finding and ripping the packet open with his teeth.

"Careful!" Lisa scolded.

"S'alright, I've done it before," he rebutted, slipping on the condom as he had practised many a time before.

He continued moving his fingers in and out of her, and she kept moaning, "Go on..."

Lisa lay flat on her back, Neil knelt between her legs and he moved his face to hers, his right hand placing himself inside of her slowly. Her mouth opened and her eyes closed, she felt Neil shift his body upwards then slowly downwards, she felt him fully, and she wanted more. Neil sped up his pace, the rhythm becoming consistent as he pumped inside of her, her moaning became more frequent, she kissed him hard as he continued to make her feel good. Neil felt her wetness around him, it was becoming increasingly difficult for him not to come, but picking her up and holding her whilst he stood helped. Lisa wrapped her legs around his back as he bounced her up and down, she could see herself in the mirror and made him sit her down on the drawers, her back to her reflection. She felt herself become hotter, he was close to making her come with a white hot intensity, he steadied himself and moved faster, the two of them breathing heavier. Lisa was on the edge, and Neil picked her up again, taking her back to the bed. Waves of pleasure were coursing through her, she was about to tip over the edge until Neil let out a large groan and came. He pulled himself out as she was still waiting to orgasm.

"Phwoar, that was all right!" he stated with a huge grin, before taking off the condom and throwing it at the wall above the bin. It missed its target and sat beside it instead. "Think I'll have a kip. Wake us up in half an hour."

Neil turned over and immediately fell asleep. Lisa sat up and looked at her boyfriend, she was so close to feeling amazing but she let it slide this time, because it was the closest she'd ever come to having an orgasm, she was embarrassed about it, the girls all talking about their own fantastic feelings, but she could never quite get there. The leggy young woman smiled and hugged Neil, smiling as she closed her eyes.

Jay twisted in his bed and moved his hand to find Jane only to find an empty space, she had already left to go and walk around the market.

"Bollocks..." he mumbled, throwing the bed sheet off himself. He sat up before picking his clothes up and heading to the bathroom. Jay put down the toilet seat and sat on the lid, and felt the familiar urge to masturbate. He looked at his index finger, wondering which orifice he wanted to put it in today but decided against it. He thought about Jane as he drifted off into his decidedly eccentric mind, his face contorting in delight as he neared the finish line. His face altered into horror once he heard the door open, Jane walking into his line of fire.

"Jesus, Jay!"

He chuckled nervously, "Sorry love, thought you were still out," his chestnut eyes tracked her as walked to the sink and cleaned up.

"You know if you wanted wanking off, all you had to do was ask!"

He felt himself becoming aroused again, "You really are dirty aren't you?"

"Now come and get showered and changed, we're meant to be meeting Will, Simon, Lucy and Alison. I'll go and see if those two next door are up."

"Okay darling," the scruffy haired youth agreed coyly, he felt grateful that she hadn't run a mile.

_After an hour of sunbathing, (or Simon and myself watching the sea for an eternity), Jay and Neil finally arrived to see us. Jay, ever the romantic, had his hands deep in his shorts, adjusting himself as Jane fluttered beside him. Neil and Lisa were arm in arm, no surprise, they didn't seem to be able to keep their hands off one another the entire holiday, unless you count when he was trying to fuck a dinner lady. It had only gone eleven and we still had enough days to bask on this glorious island before we trekked off back to England. _

"All right dickheads," Jay politely greeted. "I heard you saw that James last night briefcase."

"Thank you," began Will, "Er, yes I did actually. It was quite the experience."

"So did you catch him shagging a bird? Bet you stood there and watched with your cock out."

"Actually, no. He stumbled out of the bushes with some booze and I walked back to the hotel."

Jay tutted, until he noticed something incredible, "Ey...is that who I think it is?"

The others span around to where Jay pointed, the girls weren't sure who they were supposed to be looking at, the boys, however, knew exactly who he was on about.

"Fucking hell," Neil said outright.

Mr Gilbert, almost seven foot tall strolled down the beach in what seemed like slow motion, he was wearing the smallest pair of black Speedos imaginable. Club music was already blaring from the bar, yet it accompanied the giant as he walked, his large mirrored sunglasses would have made Elvis blush.

"Is it wrong that this feels like a terrible eighties porno?" Simon questioned whilst Gilbert ogled topless women and pointed at them, the slow motion ever present in the boys' minds.

"I feel like I'm being raped," Will bluntly stated.

"You'd know," Jay replied, laughing with Neil.

"I mean - oh you know what I mean," Will frustratingly said.

"Nah we don't mate," Neil concluded.

Lucy grabbed Simon's arm, his gaze fixed on his former head of sixth, "Simon...who is that?"

He continued to stare.

"Simon?"

He broke free of the trance, "Oh...he's our head of sixth form, or, he was."

"Didn't you and Will already see him once?" Neil asked.

Will interrupted, "Yeah...but I thought I was dreaming."

"Well he looks like a dream," Alison joked. Will just stared.

"He's nearly here, maybe you should say hello?" Jane suggested.

"I don't think he'd like that darling, he's mental," Jay told her.

Mr Gilbert wandered over to the four lads he knew, now accompanied by four young women. His beady eyes stared directly into Will's, the bespectacled boy felt like being sick.

"M-morning sir..." he started nervously.

Gilbert continued to stare at him, until he finally said, "McKenzie. Cartwright." Jay nodded at him. "Cooper. Sutherland." Simon felt a twinge in his stomach and Neil blanked out.

"Sir..." Will continued.

Gilbert raised a finger, "A-ba-buh. No questions, I'm not your friend, remember?"

"But si-"

"Shut up. I ask you the questions, you raise your hand if you want to talk to me." The girls all turned towards each other in shock. "Right then...who are these young ladies? Don't tell me, you've being offering them money?"

"We're not prostitutes, actually," Lucy said spitefully.

Gilbert turned to her, "I never said that, I was thinking more along the lines of...escorts."

"How dare you!"

"Shut it, you're not making my hangover any easier. This one yours Cooper?" he asked.

"If by mine, you mean my girlfriend, then yes, yes she is," Simon replied.

"Aww, how sweet," Gilbert said sarcastically. "Have you got any vodka?"

"Er, no...?"

Gilbert jutted out his chest, "Pfft, you lot are as useless now as you were at school."

"Excuse me, it's not as if they went and searched for you," Alison said angrily.

"Calm down blondie, they know how this goes. 'Banter' as you would call it."

"It's not banter though, is it?" she said rhetorically. "And get your cock away from us, it's disgusting."

He raised his eyebrows, "Don't like it? Then lump it. McKenzie, go and get me a bottle of vodka will you? Smirnoff, it's fairly cheap."

"Sir, we're on holiday too, we don't want to do your errands."

"Since when have you kids needed a holiday? You've done barely anything with your lives and you think you deserve a holiday. Rubbish. Utter rubbish. Try doing what I do and not overdose on prescription painkillers to get out of it."

"Bit dark," Simon muttered.

"Besides, if you don't, I will fuck up your UCAS application," the large man threatened.

"Sir, they've already been sent off, I got into university."

"I can still make it go away. I can still fuck up your dream of becoming...becoming whatever you wanted to be."

_Here we were again, back at school. I thought after seeing Simon and myself, he would have steered well clear, but of course, he wanted something from us. No, 'good luck at uni', no 'congratulations on the exam results'. Fuck all. Still, I suppose it was better than the thought of him having sex with my mother. Shit. Well, now this situation is worse._

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><p><em><strong>A.N. <strong>_**So I've bumped the rating up to an 'M'...We'll see how this goes. Mr Gilbert had to be included in this, not only is it canon him being there, but I was considering putting Charlotte in his place, then again, it wouldn't be entirely realistic. Thanks for any reviews you may have!**

**JDeppIsMyLovely – Thanks once again!**

**FemaleInbetweener – 'Questionable Scenes' will now be added. I hope you liked it, it was difficult for me to write as even though Neil has, 'vast fingering experience', he's still a loveable buffoon in my eyes. Thanks for the praise, you're too good to me!**

**Jabi07 – Thank you!**


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